Category Archives: behind the scenes

Fancy Hippie Coffee


I am a coffee fiend. I grew up with parents who had long since ditched their automatic coffee maker for the very sexy Chemex hourglass and the sounds of beans grinding in the morning cued the start of the day. Fresh coffee and fresh orange juice helped me get my day started and old habits die hard. Forgive me, I am a coffee snob.

Coffee is a sacred substance in many cultures and it’s amazing how industrialized it is in the US. Most of us need the caffeine more than the fruit of a coffee tree. Preground tins are a staple of American living and we all know the Folgers jingle by heart. Diner coffee is pretty much an institution onto itself. We’ve also seen gourmet chains dotting the streets offering sugary drinks and endless disposable cups. Meanwhile, coffee snobbery and fine cafes are popular in urban centers and hipsters have declared the barista a spiritual leader. Coffee, however you take yours, is a cornerstone of life here in the US. Here is one of my favorite methods of making fancy coffee for myself or friends at home.

Please note: I rarely use measuring cups when I’m cooking. Your mileage may vary for taste, preference, and ingredient availability.

(Spices can be finely pre-ground from the store or fresh and coarsely ground with a mortar and pestle or spice grinder)
Vanilla pods
Cocoa nibs
Coffee beans

Coffee grinder
Spice grinder/mortar and pestle
Coffee maker of choice
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Filed under at home, behind the scenes, culture, hippie

Photo Post


The Mayhems:

Our apartment had a mold situation “blossom” out of control. It pretty much ate up our lives and health. Let me tell you: Black Mold is awful! It made us sick, probably killed our cat Floozy, was a disaster for everything we owned, and we were kinda homeless for awhile looking for a friendly place for us and our (surviving) cat and dog. We did valiant battle against mold and junked most of our belongings and found new lodging.

We also presented the PSIgasm at South by Southwest . I was profiled at Nerve. Appeared at Naughty Natural.  Went to Merida, Mexico in the Yucatan. I also stopped by the Products are Hard conference in San Francisco.  I’m also still trying to plan a wedding party. Talk about stress city! It’s been a hectic month and it took a lot out of us. It was great to see Texas and Merida even if it meant having last minute cancelled flights, blizzards, lost baggage (TWICE!!!!), hotel fires, travel snafus, and other insanity.

Enjoy the photos and I’ll be working on writing some insane bullshit for you all to enjoy.

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Filed under About me, at home, behind the scenes, Photos, Pics, pictures

2013: A New Year

Here are some photos from Christmas 2012-January 2013. I’ve been soooooo busy. Ned and I drove from Oakland all the way up to Seattle, WA for the holidays. It was an 800 mile journey. Folsom came with us and got to see both snow and sliding glass doors for the first time. We used AirBnB for our road trip accomodations and we were really, really thrilled. I would so much rather share my money with an individual than some shitty chain hotel company. It’s a fun way to get to know people AND we were also happy to meet people who didn’t mind our very energetic and enthusiastic mastiff/lab in their homes. Have I told you all lately how much I LOVE peer to peer interfaces and software?

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January 28, 2013 · 1:36 pm

Happy Hippie Beauty Secrets

A very happy hippie.

The beauty industry is a lot of bullshit and you should check up on who you’re letting fuck your pores.

I’m a big fan of science and there’s lot of science innovations that are totally awesome for health and happiness and I don’t want to dismiss anything outright but one thing that’s important to remember about the word “industry” is that it usually means that money flows up to the top of a hierarchy that is usually a lot of rich white dudes whose motivations are to make more money, not to help you on your path to happiness. What they shill might be helpful or beneficial but when push comes to shove, the dollar they can make means more than you.

People in sex world know that phthalates are really bad for your health. We’ve smelled out gassing jelly toys and some of us may have felt the hot burning poker effect of a cheap shitty toy that apparently just expired by becoming an agent of chemical toxicity rather than an instrument of pleasure.

Well, phthalates are also in a lot of cosmetics. This is because phthalates  esters of phthalic acid that create a “plasticized” effect. They make the jelly toys bendy and soft, they make your foundation smooth. They allow for flexibility or transparency. Phthalates are actually in TONS of our products and in many ways I’m really glad that the sex toy activists started raising alarms about them in toys before the sex toy industry really grew to a monolith like the cosmetics industry. Sex toys were considered novelties with  really limited runs and few retail outlets because they were pretty much illegal (and are still treated as tenuously legal in a handful of American states). When I think of tangible things achieved by sex positivity, it was really strong messaging about phthalates that I would say has been much more successful than similar campaigns in other industries.

You would still be considered a “hippie” if you started asking for phthalate free cosmetics but you would be considered an uninformed consumer if this wasn’t on your mind while strap-on dildo shopping and you would run into a chorus of voices to pass on the good word.

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Filed under activism, at home, behind the scenes, community, culture, feminisms, harm reduction, hippie, opinion, sciences

On Confrontation

I didn’t know how to write my last post. The person behind it has been “a pain in the ass” to a lot of sex positive, kinky, poly, and other individuals in the sex world. It’s also leached out into his other social arenas. Most people think he’s a problem and when someone is relegated to “douchebag” status, people tend to just roll their eyes when serious violations are spoken about. I didn’t know if it was ‘drama’ to mention that I was romantically involved with this individual and that in their “activist” quest, they had someone attend a sex party I hosted and openly blogged what they perceived to be my failures–which amounted to the kind of body I have–and then detailed what I did during a sexual demo. I do know that I’ve considered him dangerous for awhile and the long version of the actual confrontation can be found here. I will post screencaps of the conversation as well.

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Filed under About me, behind the scenes

Beware Of Self-Appointed Saviors

It’s been a bad month in the Fetlife zodiac. Fetlife is a social networking site for kinksters and perverts. It houses discussion groups, hookups, events, and endless ranting. I don’t go often but I’m increasingly picky about any message boards or social hubs. “Don’t Read The Comments” includes websites dedicated to commenting. The party might be fun at first but it all takes a harrowing turn and you start to see the things that drove Nietzche mad.

Here’s one problem of Fetlife: Deification. Every social scene from model trains to modeling naked on trains has the tendency to forge a social hierarchy of some kind. What constitutes an alpha will vary from culture to culture and what this proves to us is how stupid our rules are regardless of whatever bullshit we try to put on top of it. John Baku started a website for kinksters, kinksters rallied and named him a king of kink land for his digital prowess. In theory, he created great unity in the many tribes of perverts and perhaps greater social progress could be cultivated in a new website.

There is a sexual assault allegation against John Baku from a night that might as well be considered a major group fail. It starts with a fail: he gets off a plane and is heralded as a king. It no doubt felt spectacular to have other members of the pervert Mt. Olympus greet him and give him much wine and mead, indeed. And he got fucked up in one of those embarrassing ways that many of us can still recall like a bruise in our cerebrum. He gets taken to a dungeon for more fail: he shouldn’t have been brought and he should not have been admitted and anyone who was present that night would agree. He was brought downstairs and then was surrounded by a crowd of people ostensibly keeping him out of trouble but in effect were conjuring it.

He was drunk, he got grabby, and a bunch of people decided not to call it out or cause a fuss about it at the time because, well, it was the exact reason why the whole situation was a problem from square one and we hate being reminded of things like that. The person who was assaulted had to register a few thoughts in quick succession: that there was someone clearly heralded as the selected alpha for the night and they got out of line and moreover people knew but decided that they should just let it go to keep the peace, to take one for the team.

That is not our decision to make. We do it often.

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Filed under About me, behind the scenes

Recently, In Pictures

Make sure to click on the photos! They will take you somewhere that has more information about what is being depicted. 

Maggie with Nina Hartley

Me with Nina Hartley! I was a speaker at Open SF, a conference on non-monogamy. Nina was representing the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance. They are a lobbying group that does amazing work.

Maggie by a graffiti mural

I did a photoshoot for an event in San Francisco and on the way home I quickly posed near a major SOMA mural that caught my eye.

Ned poses with the mural

Ned was also a part of the photshoot! We are the Mayhems, we often travel as a pair.

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Filed under About me, activism, behind the scenes, Photos, Pics, pictures

Support Kink.Com LIVE Cam Models

With love and solidarity with the Kink.Com cam models, I am reposting this open letter.

I was a cam model with Kink.Com back when they first started the cams back when they literally chained us to the bed. The models at KinkLive have to be on set 1 hour prior to their show time and they are expected to act as ambassadors of the Kink.Com brand when they are on camera. The models do NOT have control of the ban button and have to request that an abusive chat member be put on a time out or banned from the room. The discretion is left to the model handlers. The models will be expected to engage in high level BDSM activity during chat. This includes (but not limited to) electricity, corporal punishment, hot wax, intense clamps, bondage, and more.

Web camming does not have a guaranteed rate but the models are working from home, in charge of their own BAN button, likely to receive a better % show cut payout, and set their own hours. The Kink.Com Live cams now require that a model be UNCOMPENSATED for her early arrival, must remain for the entirety of the show,  must act as an enthusiastic brand ambassador at all times while their live image is broadcasted freely on the website UNCOMPENSATED, and be prepared for a member base that expects a higher level of pain and intense activity than other web cam websites.

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Filed under activism, behind the scenes

More Musings On #OWS

But what do the protesters want? It’s so chaotic. There are signs about Palestine, abortion, foreclosure, wall street, the police, global warming, everything! It’s just a meaningless display taking up resources and making things worse. They need to go away.

Well, that’s what I hear a lot of people saying. I get that. Intersectionality is a hard thing to grapple with and it still makes me feel like rocks are breaking in my head when I sit down and really think about it. A lot of America is in denial about the fact that the blood coming out of the bath tub, the thumping up the stairs when no one is there, the flying dishes in the kitchen, the way the appliances all suddenly turn on at once and then shut down completely, the apparition of a wailing woman in the hallway, the congregation of flies on the wall paper might indicate the presence of a malicious poltergeist that must me exorcised from our midst before it kills us all.

You can’t miss the forest for the trees in situations like these. Pain to the others should not be accepted as an unavoidable side effect of the power and success of the exceptionally few. It is foolish to create protective barriers around bazillionaires that keep them free from restrictions or justice because you hope to some day be a bazillionaire for the same reason it would be foolish not to worry about the paying the rent because you bought a lottery ticket. Occupy Wall Street is hardly about revolution so much as it is about reformation. It’s calling the far reaches of the rich out of motherfucking bounds.

Then there’s the camping issue. It’s so messy, it’s a health hazard, it slows business, if you let the homeless in you WILL have problems, professionals need to handle that. I’ve spent many years working with the homeless so I have something to say about that. First and foremost, the “professionals” do not have it under control. Why? There’s a lot of corporate interest in there, too. When I worked at a multi-million corporate styled non-profit agency, I was prohibited from acting in the best interests of my clients when it came to education about safer substance use, specifically IV drug use.

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Filed under activism, behind the scenes

FemDom Tequila

Interesting narrative: It begins as a class fantasy because class porn is a staple of advertising. She has giant windows, she looks out. Is she a voyeur or an exhibitionist? Both? We watch her but she seems to know that. She recites John Stuart Mill’s “On Liberty.” This was an essay written about moral and economic freedom from the state. She drops ice into a glass on top of a sexy and well arranged cocktail cart with artfully displayed bottles of 901 Tequila. That’s all you’ll find in this house, nothing else will do. The pantry is probably full of 901 Tequila. She’s got a mind like a steel trap and a freezer full of perfectly cubed ice that never has chips or tiny pieces of frozen broccoli that somehow fell in, but fuck it, why bother to fish it out?

She is standing before a crowd of seated men while erotic closeups play on a slide machine. Retro technology is chic. You can hear the archaic but still recognizable sound of the slide carousel click in the background. That’s dedication to detail. Then we notice that the men are in fact bound, gagged, and obviously unnerved by the situation as the speech climaxes on the note of accountability. Smack, smack!- says the riding crop! 901 Tequila!

My only real complaint about this comercial is that it’s about tequila and not whiskey. Yeah, it’s skinny sexy lady softcore porn. Booze commercials are pretty much always about sex. Drink this, fuck that. There have been some bad gender politics in booze commercials so this advertisement is on the forefront of a new day in booze commercials in which women drunkenly kidnap men and make them watch their slide shows. I do think that her outfit is smoking hot and I wish I had one just like it even if I just wore it for blogging. I also empathize with the agave sipping heroine of this short erotic story sponsored by 901 Tequila.

I’ve seen suits like those on men who have stolen years of my life with their inane power point presentations. Those were afternoons when there were birds chirping and life happening just outside the office while I was forced to stare at a Dilbert cartoon they included “to lighten the business mood.” I will never get those hours back. The suits stole them.

So there’s that’s the fantasy for me: now you’re going to sit through my slideshow fellas and no tequila whiskey for you. I’m not even going to hit you with this riding crop, I’m going to use it as a pointer for my slide on Feminist Dada cave paintings. Why? Because I’m drunk. All we have here is perfect ice,whiskey, a slide projector, and this beautiful view of downtown. Here’s a slide of the view since you’re completely immobilized and can’t actually enjoy it right now. I should have another drink, I have to keep on drinking. They’re my sponsors. They pay for all of this and the artisan ice sculptors. Next slide. This is a pie chart of all the reasons I hate Cosmopolitan magazine.

This isn’t something I would want to act out in real life, of course.

Nerve pointed out that the ad plays with John Stuart Mill’s “On Liberty.” That makes it intellectual, drinking is a vice and the text of “Liberty” advocated moral and economic freedom from the state. There’s some interesting gender commentary going on with the tone and intent of the piece and it establishes the dry humor of the sensual confrontation.

A companion advertisement to this one has been terribly mislabeled, “Let Them Eat Cake.”

This sexy speech was actually written by Benjamin Franklin. Apparently it’s there’s a theme about the gendered language of independence writing. A sexy woman dresses in sexier clothes while reciting a deeply cynical excoriation of the British Empire and its taxes on its colonists in the prelude to the American Revolution. Then a man takes a sip of 901 Tequila. Then she takes off the necklace she just put on, the man removes her clothing, and it is implied that he is performing oral sex on her.

This is a commercial about those times when you’re drunk and horny but grasping onto that last shred of sobriety by trying to appear much less drunk than you actually are and what’s more you know it. You’re not slurring, you’re not stumbling, and for all intents and purposes you sound sober but the words leaving your mouth just don’t make one lick of sense. 901 Tequila: Smooth Drunk.

Both videos brought to you by Justin Timberlake.


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Filed under About me, behind the scenes