Category Archives: maggie mayhem

Link Love


Bawdy Storytelling Photos by Neuoptik Photography

Masters of psychedelic art: My household growing up had a lot of Peter Max and I always enjoyed the bright tertiary colors and flowing lines. Not surprisingly, art that appeals to someone tripping also appeals to kids. Although a lot of folks might want to decry this genre because of its illicit associations there is a tremendous amount of skill and theory applied here. It’s worthy of study and appreciation in all states of consciousness. It’s also had a massive impact on popular art since its inception.


No fap isn’t a challenge, it’s a way of life.” As a logical counterpoint to Reddit’s constant stream of ‘fap material’ is a forum of young men dedicating their time and energy to not fapping as a new take on the old idea of preserving masculinity by abstaining from masturbation.


100% Men is a Tumblr dedicated to depicting companies and corporatations whose leadership is 100% male.


The Mysterious Island Of The Dolls in Mexico is creepy and compelling to look at.


Men should read Hegel before dating is a short video from the coming documentary “Monogamy and its Discontents.”


High school student calls out Pam Stenzel for slut shaming. Her school principal is a total tool with bad ideas on educating teens who engages shaming behavior of his own. Wellesley welcomes their incoming student after the debacle over Twitter. I wrote about Pam Stenzel in 2009 after bearing a grudge from having to watch her horrible “Sex Has a Pricetag” videos in junior high and high school. Pam Stenzel is a lying liar who lies to teens about sex. She makes students feel bad about themselves and their sexuality. May she be known for what she is. I wrote about Stenzel in 2009.


Salvador Dali’s wife Gala was known as the “demon pride” and is said to have outdone him with her own set of sexual perversities, megalomania, and lust for cash.


The Revolution Will Not Be Funded is an anthology that questions the impact of the non-profit industrial complex on enacting social change. I think it’s crucial to consider this and I’ve certainly had my own clashes of this nature.


The Mating Octopus in photos. For all you cephalopod lovers out there.

ImageTriptychs by Mattie Brice explores labels and labeling through the lens of gaming and other personal identifiers. As always, she’s brilliant voice in the gaming community and radical bloggers at large.



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Girl Boss Guerrilla With RodeoH

Photo By Whole Sex Life

I was nervous the first time I was invited to fuck someone with a strap-on cock of my very own. The leather harness looked complicated to put together, there were straps and buckles everywhere. It actually took me several tries to figure out how to wrangle it all and stick a hard and bouncy appendage between my own legs and eventually I learned that a novice strap-on fucker’s best friend for the learning curve is a blindfold over the bottom’s eyes so they can’t see you struggle with the straps or resort to improvisation and overhand knots when it all becomes too complicated to handle.

Apparently it’s very important to have a cock between your legs if you want to get ahead in the world. Well I have something like 20 goddamn dicks in all kinds of sizes, colors, textures, and relative hardness. I have flaccid packers that I wear just because there’s something about the weight of a dick between your legs that makes you want to get into mischief.

RodeoH is a new San Francisco company that is attempting to take the complications out of cock harnessing. They built a harness out of a machine washable set of boy briefs that you can pull on and get going. It’s easy to wear under clothing even when it’s super tight and stylish and there are no complicated buckles to got lost with when you’re hot, bothered, and ready to go. I love it for being able to wear a flaccid cock while getting coffee because of the ease it creates in loading, unloading, or switching out a cock.

Versatility is key for me. I have a growing collection of strap-on harnesses and I’m no slouch when it comes to grabbing a piece of a rope to make one on the go. I’ve transformed button fly jeans and even saran wrap into harnesses. It’s a lot of fun to be inventive in bed but there’s something to be said for having something easy to carry around in a purse that makes it possible to get going in a few quick moves. There aren’t any rings to lose (or break), the cotton is super breathable, and it’s really simple to use if you’re looking to break out into the world of strap-on sex.

Advanced strap-on tops might be dismayed by the fact that the RodeoH won’t hold some of the bigger and wider cocks out there on the market. The website states that the optimal toy dimensions are about 5″-6″ length by and 1 1/2″-2″ width. This is true. Although it is possible to squeeze in something larger with the flexible ring, this is not a harness for giant dicks. The things that make this harness so quick and easy are it’s lack of straps and buckles. Still, the idea of wearing a harness comfortably all day long as a pair of underwear is the major draw of this harness.

Not to mention the fact that even I sometimes get obsessed with the size of the dick I’m wearing. It’s not the size of what’s between your legs that matters, it’s the pleasure of the people involved that really counts. In the event that I’m cruising for a quickie session in, say the bathroom of a bar or gas station, I’m not going to have the time to do all of the foreplay necessary to warm someone up for some of my monster cocks especially when something right off the bell curve of average cock size will do just fine.

RodeoH is an awesome company that is local to me in the Bay Area and I would very much like to thank them for sending this fun new toy to me. I’m happy to say that my RodeoH has a spot in backpack next to my lipstick, chewing gum, and other vital essentials. I would also like to thank the photographer, Whole Sex Life, for capturing these images.


Filed under erotic, madness, maggie mayhem, Photos, Pics, pictures, toys

Woman’s POV

I keep Feynman close to my heart and tits.

Have you checked out The Woman’s POV?

Madison Young and Maxine Holloway teamed up to create a website designed to titillate and arouse the body and mind with erotic play of the female gaze. They also have a set of ethics behind their smut:


The Woman’s POV is dedicated to the authentic documentation of female pleasure and orgasms. We realize the power of orgasm and plan on changing the world one climax at a time.

We are devoted to showing diversity in female identity, the expression of feminine sexual desire, diversity of body types, as well as a wide spectrum of sexual and gender identities.

We are devoted to empowering women and creating safe space for exploration of sexual desires and fantasies by handing women in our community the camera. Its time to turn on the camera and get turned on.

We are dedicated to obliterating body shame and sexual negativity through realizing and documenting of our sexual desires and our sexual culture.

We are ready to reclaim the term pornography and recruiting YOU and YOUR LOVER/S and FRIENDS to pick up the camera and show us YOUR POINT OF VIEW.



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Upcoming events!

My Bawdy Debut from January, 2011

In case you didn’t know, I can tell a pretty dirty story. Make sure you come out to see me with Bawdy Storytelling this Thursday, October 20 for sex FAIL! You don’t want to miss one of these tales of sexual trainwrecks and when you’re here you won’t be able to tear yourself away from watching. I’m excited to perform at The Uptown and hopefully I have some good performance karma from the last time I took the stage there in nothing but pasties, a thong, and some rope.

If you miss me on Thursday, come out to MASQUEROTICA on Sat, October 22 in San Francisco. On this night of thrills, chills, and excitement for adults only I will be reigning as the vampire queen in my village of sex and death. This is the first annual Masquerotica and we’re glad to have a new event to fill the gap at the Exotic Erotic managed to create over the years. Costumes are mandatory for all attendees and if you’re lacking we will have emergency stylists ready to help you be a part of the fun. The stages are full of all kinds of mind blowing entertainment. I can certainly promise that the Vampire Village will be one of dark delights indeed.

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The PSIgasm

I’ve been a long time student of sexuality. Starting back in 2003 I started taking a lot of formal training around sexuality, gender, STI & HIV prevention, harm reduction, and more. Pleasure was not talked about as often as it should have been, though. As my curiosity grew I began seeking out university courses around the biology of sexuality and in 2007 took the SFSI sex educator training which touched on many of the things I had been studying intensely for years.

A lot of amazing orgasm research took place in the 60s and 70s but then it seemed to drop of the map for a long time. I found this disappointing because technology had progressed so far beyond the tools used in earlier orgasm studies. It now longer took an entire room to store one computer. Tech went mobile but orgasm research started to get dusty.

Ned with version 1.0

I knew that it was possible to engineer something smaller, sleeker, and faster that could measure quantitative data about orgasms but I didn’t know how. I proposed the idea to my partner. Ned is a physics graduate student. He spends his days working on science and technology far beyond my knowledge could ever hope to be. He seemed a bit skeptical at first but I gradually won him over to tinker around with the idea and help forge an engineering plan.

We made our version 1.0 from a “Clone-A-Willy” kit ordered from the internet and a female condom. That was as far as my own vision could carry me. Nevertheless, it worked. Ned had actually put the pieces of my idea into something tangible that was actually recording the pounds per square inch exerted by the pelvic muscles. It wasn’t well calibrated at this point in time. That’s when Ned went about innovating.

Although I’m by no means the tech wizard that my partner is, the data was exhilarating to look at. The mobility of the device allowed for us to travel and find people in real world sexual environments rather than having them come to a cold and sterile lab. I could follow fluctuations in the body’s response and joked that we had created a sexual lie detector test. I remember watching it use on one subject while her partner whispered into her ear and bit her neck only to watch all of the sensors make a sudden spike in intensity. It was desire codified in quantitative data about her body.

The version 2.0 was more of a layover on the way to version 3.0. In the new edition, the sensors were more properly calibrated and capable of detecting even more data. A light sensor could read the vasocongestion (amount of blood accumulating in the genitals) as and there were sensors to detect radiative heat from the skin. We realized that we could also take more standard data through the device as well. Plans were made to record blood pressure and pulse. The completion of the 2.0 made it clear that we could do even more and propelled us to jump on our technical findings.

The PSIgasm is a computer inside a buttplug and moreover it is wireless. It’s nice to create the freedom for someone to move or thrash. Ned began using his 3D design software to create the 3.0 and the model is being formally produced. Our project was about something more than just building a new tool.

Whenever people told us to copyright everything we announced that we wanted it to be fully open source. We wanted to be 100% transparent with our work and that included showing people what it was we built and how we built it. We want to teach people both the science of orgasms and what one needs to do in order to build something similar. We want to reduce the gap of knowledge that people have about their own bodies. It’s a chance to see the orgasm as a process of the body rather than something scary or supernatural.

It’s been an amazing exercise in teamwork. The more projects my partner and I take on the stronger our relationship seems to get. Sometimes things become a whirlwind of madness around us and it’s hard to keep up with it all. There’s always something in the air waiting to be caught.

We’re also juggling the things between the two of us. We each have our own individual lives and projects afoot as well as the PSIgasm and a developing porn site. Sometimes it seems so surreal that this is happening. I don’t think I ever would have guessed that I would meet a man, go with him to volunteer in Haiti, fall in love, and start a porn site and build sex technology. I never considered it an option until I made it one.

I call myself a sex hacker and people ask me what that means all the time. The definition is ever changing and imperfect but I’ve always liked it. Part of it is about being one of the first generations in the world to develop sexually with the internet close at hand. So much of what I know and who am came about because of my access to information. It was a different internet then and there will be a different internet than the one we have in 5 years from now but I remember the wild west nature of it all. The internet has always been pretty populist but in the 90s it was predominantly nerds. The one internet accessible computer in my city’s library was the literal manifestation of freedom to me as a child.

I also study models of sexuality with great interest. I read everything in my path and ask intimate questions of strangers. In testing people for HIV I got to take a snapshot of the real world sexuality of the people around me and the way they challenged my assumptions. I could never anticipate what someone would tell me about their sex life. All I could do was listen. I still carry those stories with me. I have an insatiable hunger for more information about this strange happening of humanity and it is never dull.

Although my note taking I have made modifications on my own sexuality. I built my own relationship based on my needs and desires the way one might construct their own computer hard drive. I am picky about the software I run and when in doubt I’ll take the time to build something new. I can’t always bring my vision to life but I’m always on its trail. Why rely on what has come before when we are finally tasting the limitless? We all have the opportunity to build our dream machines and I advise people to consider the notion carefully. Think of the resolution and the file size of just one human memory here on Earth: how could you want to miss even one pixel of the grandeur of it all? I just don’t have faith in a one size fits all model for life, especially not one that was constructed somewhere far away by a mega corporation.

There’s always more to know and just the thought of that makes me wild with desire.

This PSIgasm project is about opening information about sexuality wild open. What happens when you bring ivory tower rigor into real bedrooms? What if you teach people how to build their own and start asking questions about what they see? I’m positively dying to know.

When I demonstrated the version 1.0 in front of a live crowd for the first time I could see something in the eyes of the audience I have felt so many times in myself. It’s all of those little things we feel but have difficulty articulating from time-to-time. I can’t imagine how amazing it must have been for the first researcher to look at a graph and see in the math what we traditionally describe as “toe-curling.” It’s exciting to see what brain scans are showing about our arousal processes and I promise that if we ever figure out how to build one of those in our garages that we’ll be the first to share.

Information about sexuality doesn’t belong to some people and not to others. It’s part of the human record and that science should be accessible to everyone. Doing live demos of the PSIgasm are by far the most exhilarating things I’ve ever done and I sometimes use liquid nitrogen in my sex life to spice things up a bit. The future of sex science looks so great I have to wear a splash guard.


Filed under About me, maggie mayhem, orgasms

In Support of Planned Parenthood

I’ve been reading the news, I hope you have as well. If you read anything at all about the issue of women’s health being the “reason that the government is shutting down” then please read this. Please read that, please watch the video, please know that Planned Parenthood is more than abortion provider. It’s the only form of accessible healthcare at all for many women and families in America. Taking a cue from Jackie Spieier, a congresswoman from CA, here are my experiences with Planned Parenthood. There are only two.

It’s 2004. I am 20 years old and I am on a date. We have a pleasant dinner together and I do consent to returning to his home for sex. “Make sure you use a condom,” I said, “I don’t have sex without them. That’s my rule.” He told me that he agreed and I watched him roll the condom onto his dick before he put a blindfold over my eyes to be sexy. I was an enthusiastic and consensual partner until I felt him ejaculate inside of me. I stopped immediately, I pulled the blindfold off of my eyes and stared at him in disbelief. He didn’t say anything. I put on my clothes in a silent rush, bolted out the door, and I went straight to Planned Parenthood where they had drop-in hours and I could access emergency contraception and talk about what I needed to do next to protect my body after someone else had committed a violation against it.

It’s 2007. I am a senior in college nearing graduation. I am in a relationship but I am not using hormonal birth control because I had been experiencing negative side effects. I was getting migraine headaches and I never felt quite like myself. My partner and I had been using condoms 100% of the time but one night it didn’t work out. I went to work the morning after at the clinic where I coordinated a free and anonymous HIV testing program. I joked with my colleagues about being a statistic and swallowed my “morning after pill” with a swig of coffee grateful that I had this option. When I did not experience any spotting or bleeding from the quick wash of hormones in the following days, I was suspicious that the drugs had not taken effect. My friends and colleagues told me not to worry, that the statistics are on my side and that those pills always fuck up your cycle any way. My period wasn’t even officially late at this point but that was what had concerned me the most: my period wasn’t due for another two weeks. I had been ovulating at the time. Then I noticed other things. My tits would ache when I would wear a bra. My tits would ache when I didn’t wear a bra.

When I started to feel nauseated in the morning I stopped sharing my concerns out loud to anyone at all and I called Planned Parenthood. I was right.

I did not want to be pregnant at that time, I did not want the vulnerability that comes with pregnancy. My graduation date was a few months down the line, I was almost there. I was taking 20 units at a time racing to finish a double degree in 4 years. I was getting 3 hours of sleep a night, at best, to keep up with the demands of coordinating a testing clinic, working part-time in retail, and keeping up with the reading and papers assigned to me in literature and anthropology classes. I was not maintaining a healthy diet, I was eating on the go. I needed a pot of coffee to get me through the exhaustion of every day. It just did not seem like an ideal set of circumstances for a healthy pregnancy and stopping my life to have the pregnancy that I very dearly wanted to have someday was not an option either.

My abortion at Planned Parenthood is a love story between me and a man I used to know. It was also a comedy at some times and sad at others. It was stressful but I never fell to pieces. I had a backpack full of studying with me in the waiting room, my abortion was scheduled for the Saturday before my final exams. I read Yoruban mythology and Derrida while women’s names were called one-by-one. Tuesdays and Saturdays were the only days that abortions were performed at the clinic. It was more efficient this way and it made for a more welcoming atmosphere. The last time you want to bump into someone you know at Planned Parenthood is when you’re getting an abortion and they’re getting a routine pap smear. I had opted for a procedure that was going to be as short, sweet, and to the point as possible so that I could get back to work. The best option for me was surgical rather than medication. They were going to give me valium and a local anesthetic. I was seven weeks into my unplanned pregnancy.

After giving me a valium, they sent me into a hallway where there was another woman waiting on a folding chair. As soon as I sat down, I heard a very uncomfortable announcement from a staff member. There had been a “security risk” and the clinic was on full lock down. The other woman and I looked at each other as we heard the door click behind us without any further information about what was happening. In those moments when you really can’t be certain how long you’re going to be waiting for anything, least of an abortion, you start talking honestly. “I have four sons,” she told me. “My first was a broken condom, my second and third came along when I was on the pill, my youngest when I was on Depo. I’ve been trying to find someone to tie my tubes but they keep asking me about how I would feel if I met a man I wanted to marry and he wanted children of his own. I have four sons. I have a long term relationship, we just don’t want to get married. I’m done having children.”

When it was my turn to answer the question, I told her that I was close to graduating and that I wanted to finish the goals and projects that were all just months away from completion. “That’s smart. I wish I would have done that. My oldest is 18, he’s starting college in the fall. I’m proud of him.”

She was proud of her son for going to college. I was proud of her.

A few hours later, the “security risk” had been alleviated and everything was back on track. I never got to hear the full situation but it involved the words “junkie” and “freakout.” I was finally reunited with my partner, I was wearing a gown, and I was sitting on the procedure table. My doctor came in and very clearly explained everything that was going to happen and asked me if I had any questions. Then she asked me if I needed a moment to say goodbye. It was a particular kindness for someone who was going to do this at least several other times throughout the day and it came from the heart of someone who understood that it was a different experience for everyone. I wish I could have thanked her, I wish I could have let her know that even though I appreciated her care for me but the drugs had set-in. I put my hand on her shoulder, I looked her in the eye, and I said with valium-induced sincerity, “Don’t worry, it’s all going to be okay. It wasn’t time for this person to be here on earth. They won’t be here until it’s Star Trek everywhere you look.”

I’m not a Trekkie but I am certain that I’m a go-to story at cocktail parties for gynecologists.

It was a strange time for my relationship. After I shared the news with my partner he sat down next to me on the couch and said that he just wanted to be supportive of whatever I wanted. If I wanted to keep the baby, he was going to find a way to support that. He would put off grad school, he could be a cop. He said that he could be happy working as a cop but that if I didn’t want to have the baby then he would support that as well. His sentences were quick, they spilled into one another, he kept looking at my face for some clue of what the magic words would be that would make everything OK. He had the flustered love of someone who just wanted to say the right thing but didn’t know what that was exactly. I told him that I didn’t want to be pregnant and that I had already set up an appointment with Planned Parenthood.

We made love together frequently in the days before my our abortion. We had never had sex without condoms before in the course of our relationship. I had only had unprotected sex with one other person before in my life. We had fucked before, we had sex, and I would have told you we had made love but it wasn’t anything like that sense that our fear of pregnancy had already occurred and we needed to be as close as we possibly could. It wasn’t like I was going to wind up extra pregnant and it was the most intimate sex that I’ve ever had in my life. He drove me to the clinic, he sat in the waiting room even through the lockdown when we didn’t have any way to communicate with each other that everything was alright, and he held my hand and he didn’t make fun of me for the Star Trek thing.

My friends had also been worried and flustered. It was obvious how much they cared and how badly they wanted to be supportive but no one had ever told them what to say to someone having an abortion. No one had ever talked about abortion out loud with them at all. They were my peers, they were all ambitious, and like myself they were all on the verge of graduating as well. “I would be doing the exact same thing,” said one friend. “If it had to happen to any of us, it’s probably best that it’s you. You’re so calm. It scares me to death that this could happen to me,” said another. My abortion had been everything I hoped it would be; quick and safe. After 20 minutes in the recovery it was obvious that I was ready to leave. I wasn’t bleeding, I didn’t feel sick, and all of my vitals were normal. I called up my friends with the update and asked them to meet me for brunch. They all came. We ate sourdough pancakes, I made fun of myself for the Star Trek thing, and then we all went back to our studies. That was the point.

I did not wind up graduating with both degrees that year but I did finish one and that is not a failure of any kind. My relationship came to an amicable end a year later. When people ask me about my abortion, sometimes I think they want me to say that it was horrible and damaged me for life but it didn’t. I do not mourn for one potential unrealized because it was neither the first nor the last time I’ve ever chosen one potential path over another. I do live my life with my future children in mind and I’m building a world for them to the best of my ability. It may not be “Star Trek everywhere you look” but it will be the best that I can offer and that was made possible because I called Planned Parenthood and someone was there to pick up the phone.


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Bondage for Beginners

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