50 Things I’ve Been Meaning To Say About Sex

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        1. There is no easy set of steps for giving or receiving pleasure.
        2. There is no finish line.
        3. Your triumphs and your traumas will impact your sexuality.
        4. Sex itself can be a source of triumph and trauma.
        5. Hydration really does make a difference.
        6. There will be plot twists.
        7. Your sexual preferences may not match your needs or opportunities for pleasure.
        8. Sometimes the most skillful application of touch won’t do what a single caress or glance from someone you are centered upon can do.
        9. It’s more than active or passive. You can be actively-passive and passively-active in sex.
        10. You may summon something you weren’t prepared to receive.
        11. You will experience cognitive dissonance.
        12. You are more beautiful than you know.
        13. You are not entitled to your partner’s sexual backstory. It’s their choice to share.
        14. It’s fucked up to make someone feel bad about their body and how it works.
        15. Take time to breathe.
        16. Sometimes you will be terrified.
        17. Humans have sex for reasons that include but are not limited to pleasure or procreation.
        18. Be prepared for fluids.
        19. You will shed many sexual skins over your lifetime.
        20. Blood sugar really makes a difference.
        21. Using sex as a weapon is when you unilaterally commandeer someone’s body for your use, not when you are soliciting sexual attraction.
        22. Feeling fascinated or attracted to someone does not entitle you to their time and attention.
        23. Things may not meet expectations.
        24. Orgasms are just one piece.
        25. No one else is an authority on your sexuality.blackandwhite
        26. Sometimes you will be confused.
        27. Sometimes you will find ecstasy in the orgiastic, sometimes in the ascetic.
        28. The power of sex to hurt and to heal demands our respect.
        29. Sex is more than what we will ever say about it.
        30. There is no default state of sexual consciousness.
        31. You will find times when words will utterly fail you.
        32. What your body does may not be congruous with your desire.
        33. Context is key.
        34. Sex can be both a source of empowerment and dis-empowerment.
        35. The experience of another may offer wisdom or perspective but it might not be applicable to your life.
        36. An orgasm does not always mean pleasure.
        37. You may run into people who treat you as an inferior version of their projection of you.
        38. There are many different motivations to have sex.
        39. Implemental sex is neither greater nor lesser than non-implemental sex.
        40. The hottest thing in the world might not turn you on anymore.
        41. The value placed upon any given sex act or object is relational rather than intrinsic.
        42. Random causes should not be confused with essential facts.
        43. Your props of sexual summoning will change over time.
        44. Sexual union on non-physical planes exists.
        45. No element of sex is compulsory.
        46. Consciously changing your breathing patterns will change your experience of sex.
        47. Sex can be an instrument of knowing.
        48. Sexual definitions will fail to contain their referents.
        49. There’s really no such thing as an expert on sex.
        50. I don’t endorse everything I’ve said or thought about sex, not even this list.

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Guest Post: 5 Things That

From the 1st Godless Perverts Night!

From the 1st Godless Perverts Night! Greta is in the middle.

Note from Maggie: I’m proud to introduce Greta Christina who has been a feisty writer and activist for both sex and atheism. I lean more towards humanism these days as the skeptic and atheist realms seem to forget to “kick up” to the establishment. Greta is a hard working writer who is adept at handling tricky subjects and is a hell of a lot of fun to read. I love her non-fiction rage but I’m also glad she penned a collection of naughty fiction that will make you laugh and cum. She has been doing a blog tour to promote this work and you can check out her other stops by visiting her blog. Now note: I pretty much never do commercial endorsements here. Greta writes a mean book, she’s prolific, and she’s powerful. This is one of the people I’ve been following for awhile who has influenced what and how I write. Definitely check this out along with her (many) other books and amazing blog. Without further ago, here’s Greta!

5 Things That Piss Off This Godless Pervert

With all the time that one could spend writing fucked-up kinky porn and having deviant sex, how does one find the energy to rant against religion?

A quick introduction: Hi. I’m Greta Christina. I’ve been a sex writer since 1989, and an atheist writer since 2005. I’m co-organizer and co-host of the Godless Perverts Story Hour and the Godless Perverts Social Club in San Francisco (where else?). I’m the author of a new e-book of smutty perverted pornography — excuse me, erotic fiction! — titled “Bending: Dirty Kinky Stories About Pain, Power, Religion, Unicorns, & More” (available as an ebook on Kindle, Nook, and Smashwords; audiobook and print editions coming soon). I’m also the author of the bestselling atheist rant, “Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless” (available in print, audiobook, and ebook on Kindle, Nook, and Smashwords).

And for my guest post on Maggie Mayhem’s blog, she’s asked me to combine these two wheelhouses into one grand mega-wheelhouse (wheelmansion? Wheelcastle?). So for your dining pleasure today, I bring you: 5 Things That Piss Off This Godless Pervert.

1. The “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” religious hypocrisy that tells gay people to suppress and deny the sexuality they were undeniably born with… but that tells trans people that they have to accept the genitals and gender they were born with, and that they mustn’t tinker with God’s handiwork. You don’t get to have it both ways, people! Either God created us exactly the way he wants us, and wants us to accept it and submit to it… or he created us as a sort of guessing game, and wants us to shape ourselves into the people he intended us to be, giving us only a vague and self-contradictory set of arcane clues as a road map. (Of course, there is a third and far more plausible option… which is that God doesn’t exist, and our sexualities and genders come from a complex set of biological and social factors, and that as long as they don’t harm anyone, they’re nobody else’s freaking business. Sort of comforting when you think about it. And it has the added virtue of almost certainly being true.)

2. The fact that religiously-based shame, fear, and hatred of sexuality has helped keep sex so stigmatized… which means that good writers, photographers, filmmakers, actors, and other artists often stay away from the subject of sex, for fear or being trivialized at best and shunned at worst… which means that there’s not nearly enough good porn for me to enjoy. (Many thanks to the Mayhems for being an exception!)

3. The insidious way that religion uses sexual guilt to perpetuate itself. It’s like a doctor who poisons his patients, so he can keep treating them and keep them coming back. Religion gives you the disease — sexual guilt. It offers you the cure — the promise of forgiveness and absolution, as long as you stay in your religion and follow its rules. But the disease doesn’t ever go away. You still have the sexual desires you started the cycle with. So you have to keep coming back to religion… to make yourself feel better about the sexual desires that you wouldn’t feel guilty about in the first place if it weren’t for religion. I almost admire the Machiavellian craftiness of it all. Or I would, if it weren’t so fucked-up. (Hat tip to Darrel Ray, author of The God Virus: How Religion Infects Our Lives and Culture and Sex & God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality, for this insight.)

4. The hissy-fit that got thrown — by people who identify as sex-positive — when the Godless Perverts Story Hour gave away religiously-themed sex toys as door prizes — the Baby Jesus Buttplug,the Jackhammer Jesus dildo with a cruficix molded onto it in relief. I mean… really, people? With all the shit that religion has thrown at sexual deviants (heck, for that matter, at sexual non-deviants), blasphemous sex toys is what gets up your nose? With all the ways that religion has trampled on sex, for centuries, you’re worried that the Baby Jesus Buttplug might hurt some poor believer’s feelings?

5. Female genital mutilation; male genital mutilation; inaccurate and harmful “abstinence-only” sex education; the war on women and the steady rollback of reproductive rights; the rape of children by priests; the institutional protection of child-raping priests by the Catholic Church, for decades; girls in fundamentalist polygamous Mormon cults being married against their will, at ages as young as thirteen; girls in Islamic theocracies being married against their will, at ages as young as nine; women in Islamic theocracies being beaten, imprisoned, or executed for having sex outside marriage; female rape victims in Islamic theocracies being executed for the crime of adultery; the Magdalene laundries operated for decades in Ireland by the Catholic Church, which were essentially forced labor camps for sexually “immoral” women; the decree from the Dalai Lama that sex can only provide short-term pleasure and in the long term is inherently destructive; the decree from the Dalai Lama that all forms of sexuality other than penis-in-vagina intercourse are banned by Buddhist teachings; the decree from the Dalai Lama that gay sex is “wrong,” “unwholesome,” a “bad action,” “vices,” “not acceptable from a Buddhist point of view,” and “contrary to Buddhist ethics”; queer children being taught to hate and fear their queerness; female children being taught to hate and fear their femaleness; a gynecology conference in Jerusalem refusing to allow women to speak because of pressure from ultra-Orthodox Jewish leaders; the ultra-Orthodox “modesty patrols” in Jerusalem that harass, terrorize, spit on, and physically assault women and girls who don’t adhere to their modesty standards; the Christian teaching that lusting in your heart is every bit as sinful as actual physical adultery — a thought-crime that shames people for physical desires that are as deeply hard-wired by evolution as hunger or the need to sleep; the Catholic and Mormon churches teaming up to keep same-sex marriage illegal; gay teenagers getting kicked out of their homes by their Mormon families (40% of all homeless teenagers in Salt Lake City are gay); Quiverfull mothers being browbeaten into having as many babies as their bodies will produce; people in Africa and South America dying of AIDS because the Catholic Church convinced them that using condoms makes Baby Jesus cry…

… all perpetrated, rationalized, and perpetuated through the belief that God wants it this way. All perpetrated, rationalized, and perpetuated by people who have absolutely no good reason to think that they know what their god wants, any more than any of the billions of other people who happen to believe in a different god. All perpetrated, rationalized, and perpetuated using religion — which, because of its fundamental unverifiability and lack of any reality check, makes it uniquely armored against the criticism, questioning, self-correction, or anything else that might stop it from spinning into extreme absurdity, extreme denial of reality… and extreme, grotesque immorality.

So yeah. This godless pervert is a little pissed off.

On the other hand, we have porn. So there’s that.

Bending cover jpg 300

“Bending: Dirty Kinky Stories About Pain, Power, Religion, Unicorns, & More” is available as an ebook on Kindle, Nook, and Smashwords. Audiobook and print editions are coming soon.

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Persephone Syndrome

To some, myths are stories. To others they are facts as real as any figure or number in a text book. To others still they are allegories or intuitive attempts to make sense of humanity. I belong to the latter category and I’ve long had an obsessive interest in religion and mystery cults largely inspired by the nightly reading of Greek mythology was blessed indeed to receive as a young child. It filled my imagination and did provide a guide to making sense of the confusing and conflicting acts of those around me and the confusion of my own consciousness.

The story of Persephone has been running through my mind as of late. Most know of it as an agrarian allegory. To the uninitiated, I shall summarize though bear in mind that her tale varies from tradition to tradition, time to time, and place to place. Greek mythology holds a stronghold in the imagination but this tale predates their dominance in the historical record. Most commonly, Persephone is the daughter of Demeter and Zeus and she is often know simply as “The Maiden.”

Persephone was a gorgeous little hippie baby, totally raised on organic food with lots of time in the company of nymphs and her mother Demeter who was a great goddess of fertility. Things were working out for them as the fields were vast as the sky and the world was warm and fruitful. Persephone had been gathering flowers and singing songs when she came across one she’d never seen before: a narcissus. When she plucked it from the ground a cavernous hole emerged with the thunder of a great chariot pulled by four terrible and beautiful black stallions driven by Hades, the god of the underworld. He had struck a deal with Zeus pointing out that someone had to be the keeper of the place where souls go and this was a shitty job, so far as godly duties go.

Hades wasn’t evil, he just tended to the more unpleasant part of life. There were no blue skies, golden rays of sunlight, or pretty little singing maidens for him to be sure. Moreover, his social life sucked. Everyone was polite when he made an appearance but no one really wants the god of the dead to arrive at their parties. He asked for a wife and Zeus, the patriarch that he was, told him to plant the Narcissus and to snatch his daughter Persephone when her mother wasn’t looking.

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Women By The Wayside

I just read a fantastic essay called ” Green Screen: The Lack Of Female Road Narratives And Why It Matters” by Vanessa Veselka. One one hand, I had to smile and nod at the writer who questioned the lack of female road narratives because in so many ways she’s also describing the invisibility of whores with agency. What else is the street based sex worker but the quintessential “woman by the wayside?” Veselka introduces her piece with the shockingly large number of “Jane Does” recovered at truck rest stops and questions why the women who work at the businesses with the dumpsters where they are found never seem to recall any of these incidendents. I read between those lines with the solemn knowledge that sex commerce, either as a profession or an immediate survival tactic, is probably in the background of these stories.

Covering a fourteen-county area, I asked every senior truck-stop employee I could find about a hitchhiker found in a dumpster, but no one had ever heard of her. I broadened the scope of my questions: Had they heard of any homicides in any area truck stops over the past thirty years? They didn’t remember a thing. But what I was learning from the FBI painted a landscape of extreme violence, one that matched the world of my memory. By 2004, so many women had been found dead along the interstates that the FBI started the Highway Serial Killers Initiative to keep track of them. There were girls found in dumpsters, behind truck stop diners, off the side of the road on truck turnarounds—the national database listed over five-hundred Jane Does in or near rest areas and truck stops alone. Some of these were the very truck stops I was now passing through, and yet I couldn’t uncover even rumors of past murders. The strangeness of this crystallized when I visited a Pennsylvania truck stop where I knew for a fact that two women had been killed, one found only yards from where the woman I was speaking to worked. Still, she “had never heard of anything like that.”

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The “Don’t Call It Hitachi” Magic Wand

The Hitachi Magic Wand

The Hitachi Magic Wand

The Hitachi Magic Wand is an institution unto itself. It was introduced to the massage market in the 1970s and it looks it. Hitachi never updated the style of the “Cadillac of Vibrators” because it never really needed to despite its giant microphone look. It did have its downsides. It’s common knowledge that much like vampires, no two Magic Wands die the same way. I’ve had friends whose vibrators put on sparking displays of fireworks at their death while others exploded in flames. They sounded like the neighbors could hear them. Yanking them out of the wall right before coming was a common annoyance. Those in the Magic Wand cult now that the pleasure that comes with this piece of machinery far outweighs the few frustrations. Vroom, vroom! It’s the go to in my sex box to drive me over the edge during sex and I’m in good company.

It’s been a well known  secret that Hitachi was secretly ashamed of their miracle body massager. It wasn’t really designed for sex, per se. Human bodies happen to have a lot in common in their fundamental structures. Those 5-6K RPM vibrations that could ease away muscle knots in the shoulders were also great for the tension down on the pelvic floor and the clitoris and the penis. High end mall and airport vibratory massager purveyor Brookstone gave up the ghost and started carrying the Lelo line along side their vibrators that are actually the size of Cadillacs but the manufacturing firm Hitachi finally caved into their squirming modesty and has stripped the Hitachi label off their famous “neck massager.”

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Pride and Shame

Bradley Manning pride contingent from a past parade.

Bradley Manning pride contingent from a past parade.

I don’t get out to the BIG San Francisco events these days. Where once my eyes looked up and watered over from hope and stray glitter, now they tend to look elsewhere for SF Pride and Folsom Street. There’s all the waste, the trash, the dominating force of Big Booze ™ shilling Absolut Vodka and Budweiser, and the huge crushing crowds, terrible food, and the heart palpitations all of this gives me. No, I don’t care to see a parade of massive corporations demonstrating how tolerant they are despite whatever implications their brand and profits might mean for people, animals, water, and the globe at large. No, I don’t care for the tons of plastic crap manufactured with pride.

Daniel Ellsberg

Daniel Ellsberg

Pride and Folsom have had brave sexual components because of the illegality of what they were displaying in public. It was a protest. I’m all for Bacchanalia, believe me. It’s also important to remember that it was about taking something that people were being arrested and brutalized over and putting out in public view. It was about challenging how and why people were being marginalized for what they were already doing in private. Blowing someone in public was the reminder that the sun didn’t turn to blood, the streets weren’t suddenly cracking open, and there was no legitimate reason why people were being pulled from their bars and bedrooms and subject to a criminal record and all the damages therein.

I heard about “Gay Shame” when I was in college and I didn’t disagree with them totally but I wanted to have my day in the sun, a party celebrating something that had isolated me as a kid and a teenager, and most of all a good goddamn time. I wanted to put down my politics, pick up a beer, and just let it all go. Those Gay Shamers seemed a little uptight and political to me. Sure, corporations had some pretty bad policies but having Bank of America come out to the parade meant that others would to, right? Mainstream acceptance meant safety. If those stodgy old banker dudes could see why an event like pride where they knew there’d be drag queens and naked guys in cock rings and little baby dykes stomping around in their first pair of big black boots and a miniskirt trying on subversive in public for the first time ever then surely “we” were winning, right? Right? There were too many politicians in convertible cars waving to the masses for us to be losers.

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Link Love

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Bawdy Storytelling Photos by Neuoptik Photography

Masters of psychedelic art: My household growing up had a lot of Peter Max and I always enjoyed the bright tertiary colors and flowing lines. Not surprisingly, art that appeals to someone tripping also appeals to kids. Although a lot of folks might want to decry this genre because of its illicit associations there is a tremendous amount of skill and theory applied here. It’s worthy of study and appreciation in all states of consciousness. It’s also had a massive impact on popular art since its inception.

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No fap isn’t a challenge, it’s a way of life.” As a logical counterpoint to Reddit’s constant stream of ‘fap material’ is a forum of young men dedicating their time and energy to not fapping as a new take on the old idea of preserving masculinity by abstaining from masturbation.

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100% Men is a Tumblr dedicated to depicting companies and corporatations whose leadership is 100% male.

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The Mysterious Island Of The Dolls in Mexico is creepy and compelling to look at.

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Men should read Hegel before dating is a short video from the coming documentary “Monogamy and its Discontents.”

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High school student calls out Pam Stenzel for slut shaming. Her school principal is a total tool with bad ideas on educating teens who engages shaming behavior of his own. Wellesley welcomes their incoming student after the debacle over Twitter. I wrote about Pam Stenzel in 2009 after bearing a grudge from having to watch her horrible “Sex Has a Pricetag” videos in junior high and high school. Pam Stenzel is a lying liar who lies to teens about sex. She makes students feel bad about themselves and their sexuality. May she be known for what she is. I wrote about Stenzel in 2009.

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Salvador Dali’s wife Gala was known as the “demon pride” and is said to have outdone him with her own set of sexual perversities, megalomania, and lust for cash.

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The Revolution Will Not Be Funded is an anthology that questions the impact of the non-profit industrial complex on enacting social change. I think it’s crucial to consider this and I’ve certainly had my own clashes of this nature.

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The Mating Octopus in photos. For all you cephalopod lovers out there.

ImageTriptychs by Mattie Brice explores labels and labeling through the lens of gaming and other personal identifiers. As always, she’s brilliant voice in the gaming community and radical bloggers at large.

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